I've always been one to feel like it's my job to fix everything. To fix all of the wrongs in my life and the lives of those around me. I'm a control freak and carrying those things on my shoulders, although unhealthy, is a comfortable place for it to be. That's where it's always been and I feel better being responsible for everything because then at least I feel like it'll get done. But then it extends to pieces of my life that I can't change.
A week or so ago, I was talking to my parents about how I wanted to get my life together and how I think we should all start eating healthy and start exercising, because I come from a family who isn't the healthiest. My dad then said, "Ashley, you're not going to like what I'm going to say next, but you can't save everyone." And that broke my heart. That's the moment I seriously realized how much stuff I carry. I feel like it's my job to fix everything all the time, because if I don't, then who will?
Today, I had a really helpful and comforting conversation with my good friend, Jackie (jackiehrndz.wordpress.com), in which I learned and was reminded of a lot. It's taken some time but I'm slowly learning that it's not my job to carry it all. There's a God who loves me enough to take the burden and who isn't disappointed with me when I am doubtful and have trouble handing it all over to Him.
I am so thankful for friends who love me and help guide me in times of craziness, confusion, hurt, because that's when I see how patient and present He is in my life.
Thank You, God, for wanting to carry my burdens and for loving me when I just can't give them over to You or have trouble trusting You. I pray that I lay them down and stop trying to pick them back up, because I can't fix them, only You can. Thank You for meeting me where I am every day and for giving me this crazy, but beautiful life to live. AMEN.
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