RedeemING

I think a lot. Sometimes it's a pain in the neck, sometimes a gift. This time, I am grateful.

I was on Instagram (as usual), and came across a girl's account in which there was a comment on her picture about how she's redeemed and loved.

I saw a girl post a picture of her tattoo earlier that said redeemed.

I've seen "saved by grace," too.

I agree. We have been redeemed. We have been saved by grace. But, I think there's such a huge part that people are missing.

We live our lives, we walk as if we have been redeemed and saved by grace. One time. The moment we said yes to Jesus.

But we are missing such a big piece of who God is.

Embarrassingly, most of my crappy stuff that I've done, thought, and said, has been after I said yes. And I know that each moment I'm alive, those kinds of things are being redeemed. I'm BEING redeemed. I'm actively being saved each and every day.

We act as if we have been given a clean slate one time. But the thing about this constant grace we're given, is that it is CONSTANT. And we are being forgiven, made new, healed, each and every moment.

Remember that. God didn't stop when you gave your life to Jesus. He still hasn't stopped. And He won't ever.

Stronger Together

I went to the Women's March on Saturday, January 21st in Downtown San Diego. I have spent a week trying to figure out what I'd say about it, but I don't have words to communicate the power and vulnerability of that day. So, here's some pictures that I took. Hopefully they make you feel even an ounce of what I felt that day. 

We're Not Jokes

I'd like to consider myself a mental health advocate. I know what it feels like, the reactions you can get from others, and and how all that affects who you are.

I'm also a follower of Jesus, which traditionally doesn't quite match up with mental health advocacy.

Here's why....

I live with my grandparents. They are Portuguese and don't speak much English, so communication between us is not the easiest. The language barrier prevents us, or just makes it a little tougher to talk about our lives, so to be completely honest, we don't know a whole lot about each other. 

Now that some background is set, here's the story.

So, today, I was sitting and drinking some coffee with my grandma and somehow we got on the topic of pills and I told her why I take mine: for anxiety, depression, and panic disorder. She was somewhat understanding of that, and had an idea before today. But I expressed to her my true and vulnerable experiences; sweats, shaking, nausea, fear of leaving the house, trouble getting out of bed. And she listened.

Until she started telling me, through her broken English, that I need to be strong. That I have to fight. That I have to push away those thoughts and ideas, which I agree is important to try, but I explained that sometimes it's so much bigger than that. In the moment, it seems almost impossible. She left it with, "well, we all have our weaknesses."

Later on in the day, I was walking through the kitchen and she brought out her pamphlet that she got at church today. She told me she needed to show me something, which ended up being a little quote. Something to the effect of "The only way to conquer fear is faith."

She told me I need to pray about it.

I told her I had for years.

She told me she didn't believe me. Or that maybe I was praying the wrong things.

I don't resent her, I understand that we see God differently.

But, it's not just about this experience. It's about the same ones over and over again.

It's about the fact that people can work up the courage to open up to their loved ones about the madness in their heads, and it can still be invalidated. It can still be seen as a joke or a sign of "weakness."

But let me tell you, these things are not weaknesses. They do not make me any less of a strong woman, capable of great things. They are a strength. The fact that going through the day, leaving the house, talking to people, is a war in itself, only goes to show that it makes us stronger.

I am not weak. If you're struggling, you're not weak. Regardless of what your family thinks, you're friends say to you, the things you read on the internet. Things are just hard sometimes, and that's okay. Keep pushing and remember to take care of yourselves.

Seek help when you're ready.

With Them

Today is a weird and eery day. First off it's raining. Like pouring. And second, as you knew I was going to say, it's the inauguration.

Today is filled with fear and anger from so many, as seen through the breaking of shop windows in DC. I want to acknowledge the many that are probably thinking get over it, he's our president whether you like it or not, destroying things is not the answer. These people are desperate and angry. The system that was supposed to help this country succeed, is the one that has brought us to our breaking point.

This is a difficult time for many. For those who are underrepresented and their allies. For the people who had hope for complete equality. For many. So on this day, whether you don't support Trump or you do, it's a time to be with those who are scared. To provide them with resources they may need, hugs, a kind word or two. For those who aren't directly affected, it may feel like no change. But for others, this is a huge deal.

For the hurting: I am with you. I hear you. I support you. I love you.


Be there for them. Things are hard. Life is hard. Be with them. Stand with them.

A Little Bit of Hope and a Whole Lot of Patience

There's not much in this life that you can guarantee. There's not much consistency or predictability, which can be really frustrating, and for a control freak like me? Oh boy, that's a tough one.

I'm not crazy wise or creative, but I have lived for 19 years, and learned that the two keys to survival are a little bit hope and patience.

When life gets hard and things feel unbearable, the only things that can really keep me going are a little bit of hope that things won't last like that forever, and patience until it changes. Not long ago, my little bit of hope was the fact that my brother got into a university he really wanted to go to and I wanted to be there to see him succeed. And patience was waiting out circumstances until things became a little easier.

I don't know you, I don't know your life or story, but I do know what has helped me. I believe that I was put on this earth to help others heal, and by sharing what's worked for me, I feel like I'm doing what I can with the knowledge that I have right now.

When you feel like you can't anymore, find something, a person, a day, a hobby, that you can look forward to or hold onto. Then, wait. Waiting is hard but keep on keeping on. It won't last forever.

Thanks for reading, and for being you, ya doll.

Much love.