Dear you,
It's been a while but I still think of you all the time. I dream about you often, too.
I know times can be tough, and it can feel like the world is against you, but I want you to know that when it feels like everyone has forgotten the way you laugh and how your eyes get really small when you smile for real, I remember. I remember you. I remember your hugs and the way you dressed.
When it feels like the world is against you, for all I know it may be. But what i really need you to know is that while everything else is, i'm standing next to you.
When it feels like the world is against you, remember that your voice has helped to calm the storm in my head. Your hug has given me purpose. You have given me hope.
Keep hanging on.
Ya got a lot of fight left in ya, kid.
Friday, May 20, 2016
Thursday, May 19, 2016
no shame
Some days, it's hard to get out of bed. It feels like your body weighs a thousand pounds and the outside world seems like a whirlwind that you want no part in.
Some days, it's hard to eat and it's hard to brush your teeth and it's hard to deal with other people.
I want you to know you have permission to take care of yourself. To take time for yourself. To sleep in when you can. To stay in bed when you don't have anywhere to be. To turn down invitations to hang out when you don't feel like it.
Some days are harder than others and there's no shame in that.
If the most productive thing you do today is get out of bed to go to the bathroom, that's still something to be proud of and no one else can tell you otherwise.
Keep going, even when everything inside of you is telling you to stop.
Don't lose your fight, kid. One day things will feel a little lighter.
Sincerely,
Barely left my bed today and that's okay.
Some days, it's hard to eat and it's hard to brush your teeth and it's hard to deal with other people.
I want you to know you have permission to take care of yourself. To take time for yourself. To sleep in when you can. To stay in bed when you don't have anywhere to be. To turn down invitations to hang out when you don't feel like it.
Some days are harder than others and there's no shame in that.
If the most productive thing you do today is get out of bed to go to the bathroom, that's still something to be proud of and no one else can tell you otherwise.
Keep going, even when everything inside of you is telling you to stop.
Don't lose your fight, kid. One day things will feel a little lighter.
Sincerely,
Barely left my bed today and that's okay.
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Don't Lose Your Fight, Kid.
I got my second tattoo yesterday. It says "don't lose your fight, kid."
The generation my grandparents are from stems from a whole different set of beliefs than the one that I do. This is reflected in their beliefs and lack of filter in what they say. Of course I love them, but sometimes they don't know what shouldn't come out of their mouths and what should. My grandma has explicitly stated what she thinks about my tattoos. She seems to think I'm tainted and that even though she knows exactly who I am, that I have joined the group of rebellious, low-lifes that they were taught to categorize anyone with tattoos or piercings into. She still loves me and does the grandma thing where she feeds me and all that, but you can tell by her tone of voice when the topic comes up.
Today, I got into the car with her and she asked me if I had gone to get one because my mom had mentioned it to her. Excitedly, I showed her it. She read it very slowly and asked, "what does that mean?" with her specific tone of voice showing she didn't like it.
Although my tattoos may just seem like cliche things that I got just so I could say I have tattoos, they actually mean something to me. For the days I don't feel like getting out of bed and the weight of the world is too heavy, I will remember the time I wanted myself to never lose my fight enough to get it permanently placed on my body. My dad is always one to tell me that there's something special about me and that I have the ability to change the world. He never loses faith in me and constantly tells me to keep pushing forward. Don't lose your fight, kid, is something he'd say to me when I have no motivation left. But he knows what I have in me. He knows the strength and ambition I have. I want to remember on the dark days that no matter how little faith I have in me, he has an infinite amount more. That I have what it takes to get out of bed when I don't feel like it. To take on the day when it feels like to much. When I think I can't.
And to you, who is reading this, I want you to remember you have a lot more in you than you think. Don't lose your fight, kid.
The generation my grandparents are from stems from a whole different set of beliefs than the one that I do. This is reflected in their beliefs and lack of filter in what they say. Of course I love them, but sometimes they don't know what shouldn't come out of their mouths and what should. My grandma has explicitly stated what she thinks about my tattoos. She seems to think I'm tainted and that even though she knows exactly who I am, that I have joined the group of rebellious, low-lifes that they were taught to categorize anyone with tattoos or piercings into. She still loves me and does the grandma thing where she feeds me and all that, but you can tell by her tone of voice when the topic comes up.
Today, I got into the car with her and she asked me if I had gone to get one because my mom had mentioned it to her. Excitedly, I showed her it. She read it very slowly and asked, "what does that mean?" with her specific tone of voice showing she didn't like it.
Although my tattoos may just seem like cliche things that I got just so I could say I have tattoos, they actually mean something to me. For the days I don't feel like getting out of bed and the weight of the world is too heavy, I will remember the time I wanted myself to never lose my fight enough to get it permanently placed on my body. My dad is always one to tell me that there's something special about me and that I have the ability to change the world. He never loses faith in me and constantly tells me to keep pushing forward. Don't lose your fight, kid, is something he'd say to me when I have no motivation left. But he knows what I have in me. He knows the strength and ambition I have. I want to remember on the dark days that no matter how little faith I have in me, he has an infinite amount more. That I have what it takes to get out of bed when I don't feel like it. To take on the day when it feels like to much. When I think I can't.
And to you, who is reading this, I want you to remember you have a lot more in you than you think. Don't lose your fight, kid.
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