(You'll Never Walk Alone)

One thing I've learned is that there are going to be people who don't understand. There are going to be people who don't agree with the mission. There are going to be people who judge you for for the cross necklace you're wearing, the devotional you're reading in the morning, the verse you have in your Instagram bio. There are going to be people who don't believe the things you say about the experiences you've had with God. It's going to happen.

I have a really hard time grasping what it means to feel God. Sometimes I get confused or feel left out because I haven't had those crazy God moments. I haven't seen the clouds in the shape of Jesus or been in a near death situation where it was only a miracle that I survived.

One thing I do know is that nothing makes me as full as singing worship music in a room full of people or praying with someone I love.

This weekend, I went to a retreat in the mountains. There were some of the most beautiful views and peaceful places. I had an amazing time. I left refreshed, encouraged, feeling loved, and more motivated and confident in what I'm doing than I have been in a really long time.

This weekend, I know God was there. I know that sounds crazy and silly and dramatic and like I'm making it up, but I have this thing where I get goosebumps at random times during prayer or singing or having a conversation with someone and I know it's Him. Nothing else gives me goosebumps.

And there are things that people say that just happen to be exactly what I need to hear. And I believe that is God, too. I was sitting by myself this morning reading my devotional and praying and one of the guys on the retreat came out and gave me a high five and said, "Hey, I'm really glad you came this weekend, Ashley."I was told I was awesome. I was told I was loved. I was told I make people feel like things are going to be okay. I needed that so so bad.

Basically, what I'm trying to say, is that you don't need a crazy story. You don't need a miracle. You don't need to see Jesus in the clouds to know God's around and listening. Sometimes it's in the details. It's the small things. It's the "coincidences," the breeze, the view. And know that those small things don't make you any less than those with the big stories and that many people feel God the same way you do.

Now I'm back home, back to the chaos. I have to go back to school and I feel terrified. It's so difficult to go from something so beautiful to something so complicated, but I know it's reality. And I know that each day is an opportunity instead of a dread. It's an opportunity to make friends with someone who doesn't have any. It's an opportunity to smile at the kid who hasn't smiled in weeks. An opportunity to tell someone I love them. It's all about what God can use you for. And along the way, look out for those random goosebumps, the little breezes, the things that cross your mind. There's a good chance that's God standing right beside you, holding your hand. And if you don't feel any of that, that's okay, too. You're not ever walking alone.

GOOD SONG: Holy Spirit by Jesus Culture

I Don't Know What To Title This So I Guess You'll Just Have To Read The Post

SO

There's this really awesome feeling called peace.

I mean it might be considered a state instead of feeling but that's besides the point.

I've been a people pleaser since the day I was born. Nothing I ever did meant anything unless my parents were impressed or my friends thought I was cool because of it. If you are or have been the same way, you know how exhausting it is. You work tirelessly, putting whatever you're working towards, whether it be the grades, the touchdowns, the art pieces, before your own health, sanity, and joy. Majority of the time you just ending up feeling shitty because you had this expectation that your parents or coaches or friends or whoever were going to be really proud and excited and they often aren't. I don't know about you, but I've never really felt proud of myself. Until...


NOW. I'm proud of myself, now. I know how far I've come. I know how hard I've worked. I know how much time and how much of myself of put into getting to where I am.

Tonight, I had this really awesome conversation with my best friend. She reminded me that God sees what I'm doing. He sees how hard I'm trying. He sees it all and he understands my intentions. He's proud of who I've become and how I'm trying to live my life.

Tonight, I got home from where I was and asked my parents if I could go somewhere tomorrow night. They were angry that I'm "never home anymore" and that I "am not doing my school work." (both of those are false.) They basically told me about all of the things I should be doing but am not. But anyways, these types of things used to make me feel like such a failure. I felt worthless. I felt like a constant disappointment. And I can tell you, after so many times of just breaking down and crying any time I wasn't doing something that someone else wanted, that tonight I didn't.

This is what I consider peace. I'm proud of myself. I'm content with who I am and what I'm doing. I am in absolute AWE of the things God is doing in my life and the lives of my best friends.

And I know that no matter what I do, as long as I'm trying, God is more proud of me than I could imagine. I'm at peace with this beautiful life. It didn't come easy and it probably won't always be here, but I have it now and I know I owe it all to the man upstairs.

Now don't get me wrong, my life is not perfect. God's changed my perspective. I just know now that I'm taken care of. I know that the creator of every single thing has got my back.

I am thankful, I am humbled by the places I've been, and I am so so hopeful.

You're NOT alone if you feel consumed by something so far from peace. We've all been there and you can and will get out. Lean on God. Trust that where you are and the way you are feeling is going to lead you right where you need to be. Keep on pushing. You've got this.

I'm proud of you, God's proud of you. Now be proud of yourself.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you all have a wonderful day. xo


Tip: starting the day off with a devotional, worship music, prayer, reading the bible, etc. are really awesome ways to start chaotic days (or any type of day, actually.)

A Brand New View

First and foremost, HAPPY LABOR DAY!

Second, for the holiday weekend, my family and I went out of town to Palm Springs which is a couple hours away from home. It's one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to. It's just a different kind of beautiful. Lately, I've been really interested in forests after experiencing YoungLife camp in Williams, Arizona. The camp sits on a mountain in the middle of a forest and it was the first time I had ever really seen a full on real one so since then I've been kind of biased towards them. 

But Palm Springs, even though I've been many times, showed me a new kind of beauty. 

I think this is a perfect example of how much your perspective changes when you begin following Jesus and realizing all that God has done for you.

I saw a gorgeous sunset, palm trees, flamingos, and today on the way home I saw the most beautiful clouds I've ever seen. That all left me thinking. 

God created all of that. ALL of it. For me. For you. For all of us. And it's so mind-blowing to think that WE are God's masterpiece, his greatest creation. (Genesis 1:26-27 when it says we are made in God's image and Ephesians 2:10 NLV)

I looked out of the window just staring at the clouds and the mountains around and I think I was able to feel God's love for the first time in a while. It was overwhelming. 

The devotional Jesus Calling from September 5, said that He is our best friend. I talked a little about this with my friend. If you think about all of the time you spend speaking to your best friend or talking about her/him, are you spending that much time talking to/about God and Jesus to those around you?

To be honest, I haven't been spending NEARLY as much time with God as with my friends. But I do know something... 

This journey, it's something that I want more than anything in my life right now. I want to build a stronger relationship and dive in deeper. I want to build community and learn about the life Jesus lived. I want to trust God with everything. I want to love others. I want to give. I want to mentor others. I want to share the story I have, although it's not much of one, to those who need to hear it. 

This is a process, it takes discipline and it takes support. Find some friends who want to walk with you and will encourage you along the way. Find people who push you towards God when you don't want any part of it. You are NEVER alone in this journey, always remember that.

You've got this. Keep pushing, keep learning, and keep wanting it more than anything you've ever wanted before. 

Have a great day.

xoxo

Sorry, I'm awkward

It's been a while, again, I know. Sorry about that.

So within the last few weeks, I've been hearing a lot of lies. Being new to all this college stuff, I had zero confidence in myself that I could make it through and graduate. I felt unloved. I felt alone. I felt forgotten. I didn't think I had the ability to change anyone's life so what was the point in even trying to write a blog post?

But I'm back and even if I can't, I'm doing this for myself, too.

So I've been thinking A LOT about how I can bring God to my school. It's an absolutely terrifying thought. I'm shy, I'm awkward, and I'm not creative in any way, shape, or form. But it's something I want so badly. I want to be a light to the people around me and I want God's light to shine through me. I want to make this confusing, stressful, and lonely time one that's filled with joy, laughter, and love.

We have the opportunity to CHANGE LIVES here!

Story time! The other night I went to school to go to YoungLife and afterwards while my friend Lindsey and I were waiting for my dad to pick us up, we saw this guy in a shark suit. Like a full on onesie with a shark head. He was just riding his bike around and I guess this guy is featured on the SDSU local snapchat story thing and he's quite the little celebrity. So Lindsey went and introduced herself and started asking him questions about it. Eventually they began talking about why he was doing it and he said, "I just want to people smile." MY HEART MELTED. This guy was basically agreeing to embarrass himself just to make other people smile.

And no, I'm not telling you to go to the store and buy some animal costume, but you know how many small things we could do just to brighten people's days? Something as simple as introducing ourselves to someone who we see is alone on a bench, or smiling at a person walking by, or paying for the person behind us, or picking up someone's pencil so they don't have to get up.

Like I said, I'm shy and awkward and a VERY nervous person and I like to use that as an excuse, but I was reading this book (called Crash The Chatterbox: Hearing God's Voice Above All Others) and it talked about how we often think that we have to go through things alone. We think we're alone. We forget that God is there ALL THE TIME. The way we stop thinking like a nervous wreck is by saying "even if that happens, God says He will..." and in the book it gives examples like protect me, give me peace that passes understanding, catch me, lead me to triumph, make me wiser and stronger as a result of this trial, put me back together.

We forget that it's not about how we can get through something, it's about how we can get through something with God's help.

SO try to step out of your comfort zone, love others, make someone random smile. Remember, this life isn't about you. You're working for the King.

Hope you are all having a wonderful day and I'll talk to ya'll later!

xoxo