One thing I've learned is that there are going to be people who don't understand. There are going to be people who don't agree with the mission. There are going to be people who judge you for for the cross necklace you're wearing, the devotional you're reading in the morning, the verse you have in your Instagram bio. There are going to be people who don't believe the things you say about the experiences you've had with God. It's going to happen.
I have a really hard time grasping what it means to feel God. Sometimes I get confused or feel left out because I haven't had those crazy God moments. I haven't seen the clouds in the shape of Jesus or been in a near death situation where it was only a miracle that I survived.
One thing I do know is that nothing makes me as full as singing worship music in a room full of people or praying with someone I love.
This weekend, I went to a retreat in the mountains. There were some of the most beautiful views and peaceful places. I had an amazing time. I left refreshed, encouraged, feeling loved, and more motivated and confident in what I'm doing than I have been in a really long time.
This weekend, I know God was there. I know that sounds crazy and silly and dramatic and like I'm making it up, but I have this thing where I get goosebumps at random times during prayer or singing or having a conversation with someone and I know it's Him. Nothing else gives me goosebumps.
And there are things that people say that just happen to be exactly what I need to hear. And I believe that is God, too. I was sitting by myself this morning reading my devotional and praying and one of the guys on the retreat came out and gave me a high five and said, "Hey, I'm really glad you came this weekend, Ashley."I was told I was awesome. I was told I was loved. I was told I make people feel like things are going to be okay. I needed that so so bad.
Basically, what I'm trying to say, is that you don't need a crazy story. You don't need a miracle. You don't need to see Jesus in the clouds to know God's around and listening. Sometimes it's in the details. It's the small things. It's the "coincidences," the breeze, the view. And know that those small things don't make you any less than those with the big stories and that many people feel God the same way you do.
Now I'm back home, back to the chaos. I have to go back to school and I feel terrified. It's so difficult to go from something so beautiful to something so complicated, but I know it's reality. And I know that each day is an opportunity instead of a dread. It's an opportunity to make friends with someone who doesn't have any. It's an opportunity to smile at the kid who hasn't smiled in weeks. An opportunity to tell someone I love them. It's all about what God can use you for. And along the way, look out for those random goosebumps, the little breezes, the things that cross your mind. There's a good chance that's God standing right beside you, holding your hand. And if you don't feel any of that, that's okay, too. You're not ever walking alone.
GOOD SONG: Holy Spirit by Jesus Culture
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