I Don't Know What To Title This So I Guess You'll Just Have To Read The Post

SO

There's this really awesome feeling called peace.

I mean it might be considered a state instead of feeling but that's besides the point.

I've been a people pleaser since the day I was born. Nothing I ever did meant anything unless my parents were impressed or my friends thought I was cool because of it. If you are or have been the same way, you know how exhausting it is. You work tirelessly, putting whatever you're working towards, whether it be the grades, the touchdowns, the art pieces, before your own health, sanity, and joy. Majority of the time you just ending up feeling shitty because you had this expectation that your parents or coaches or friends or whoever were going to be really proud and excited and they often aren't. I don't know about you, but I've never really felt proud of myself. Until...


NOW. I'm proud of myself, now. I know how far I've come. I know how hard I've worked. I know how much time and how much of myself of put into getting to where I am.

Tonight, I had this really awesome conversation with my best friend. She reminded me that God sees what I'm doing. He sees how hard I'm trying. He sees it all and he understands my intentions. He's proud of who I've become and how I'm trying to live my life.

Tonight, I got home from where I was and asked my parents if I could go somewhere tomorrow night. They were angry that I'm "never home anymore" and that I "am not doing my school work." (both of those are false.) They basically told me about all of the things I should be doing but am not. But anyways, these types of things used to make me feel like such a failure. I felt worthless. I felt like a constant disappointment. And I can tell you, after so many times of just breaking down and crying any time I wasn't doing something that someone else wanted, that tonight I didn't.

This is what I consider peace. I'm proud of myself. I'm content with who I am and what I'm doing. I am in absolute AWE of the things God is doing in my life and the lives of my best friends.

And I know that no matter what I do, as long as I'm trying, God is more proud of me than I could imagine. I'm at peace with this beautiful life. It didn't come easy and it probably won't always be here, but I have it now and I know I owe it all to the man upstairs.

Now don't get me wrong, my life is not perfect. God's changed my perspective. I just know now that I'm taken care of. I know that the creator of every single thing has got my back.

I am thankful, I am humbled by the places I've been, and I am so so hopeful.

You're NOT alone if you feel consumed by something so far from peace. We've all been there and you can and will get out. Lean on God. Trust that where you are and the way you are feeling is going to lead you right where you need to be. Keep on pushing. You've got this.

I'm proud of you, God's proud of you. Now be proud of yourself.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you all have a wonderful day. xo


Tip: starting the day off with a devotional, worship music, prayer, reading the bible, etc. are really awesome ways to start chaotic days (or any type of day, actually.)