I think about tomorrow and it feels like I'm face to face with a mountain that I have yet to climb, or a giant that I have to fight off. I'd love to tell you that the medication and therapy are working. That things are just fine and dandy, better, more peaceful. I thought that saying that I needed help was the biggest obstacle, but I'm learning that it's going to be a never ending battle. That each day I'm going to have to push and push to get ready and show up to where I need to be. I wish I could tell you that it doesn't terrify me. That the thought of living like this for the rest of my life doesn't give me a knot in my stomach. That I didn't have to muster the courage to tell my mom that I'm sad tonight. That I didn't have to explain that I don't know why. That I didn't have to hear her remind me that I'm on medication so I shouldn't feel this way. It's terrifying because I had this impression that the moment I stepped out of my box, this would all go away.
But I'm here. And I'm breathing. And I have what it takes to keep on fighting today, and tomorrow, and the next day. So I will.
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