Thank You For Today

If you asked me about my generalized anxiety, I'd tell you to fall down the stairs and memorize the dropping feeling in your stomach like it was your own face, staring back at you in the mirror.

If you asked me about my panic disorder, I'd tell you to picture being chained to a weight on the floor of a pool.

If you asked me about my mild major depressive disorder, I'd tell you I watched eight seasons of Grey's Anatomy and didn't get out of bed for anything besides the bathroom and food for almost all of winter break.

If you asked me about myself, I'd tell you I'm a whirl of emotion. I feel too little and too much, both at the same time. I'd tell you about my prescription meds that help dull that out a little. I'd tell you each individual story. I'd tell you how many hugs and words of encouragement I've received. I'd tell you that it's brought me so much closer to so many people and has shown me God's love, patience, and understanding in more ways that I could explain. I'd tell you about how big I smile when someone tells me I have helped them. That my story has made a difference in their lives. I'm an honest person and I feel that it's my job to tell you that you're not alone. You're not crazy. You feel what you feel and that's all that matters. That's what makes it real.

I'm here to tell you that your story, whether it be your mental health, your physical health, your past, etc., is helping someone else and the fact that you subscribed to all of today's problems, no matter how bad you didn't want to, has inspired someone else to stay. So, thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Love is the Movement

For a really long time, I've felt that I don't have a story. That because my life has looked perfect from the outside, I can't help anyone. I think most people that believe in God feel like they can't be used by Him, whether it be because they feel like their past was too messy, or in my case, not messy enough. Not that I'd ever hope to have a bad upbringing, but I just felt like I grew up in a normal household, my parents are still married, I've always had a place to live, so I don't have the right to say anything to anyone who has been through more.

I'm coming to realize, with great reminders from the people around me, that I don't need to have a crazy story to help people. I have a big enough heart and the ability to give people little reminders that they are enough. That it's okay to hurt for as long as you need to. That better days are coming, no matter how cliche that sounds.

I think it's so important to take advantage of the fact that we can make a person's day by saying one kind thing. By being there for them when they need it. By listening. By hugging. Because you could be the only person in their life willing to do that for them.

I just want to remind you that it doesn't take a crazy past to be used by God or to change a life. Whatever you want to call it. Love is all it takes. Just keep being there for people, giving words of encouragement, giving hugs, letting people know that they're not alone. That's all.